mixed feelings...lazy

i've been reading ppl's blog all the time n finally i've ended up myself here...never been updating my blog for quite sometimes...perhaps i'm unwilling to voice out my thoughts or i'm just don hav the mood to 2 do so..feel like my english is getting worst nowadays...i realised tat i can't even speak fluently as i do last time...sigh....everything is changing from good to bad...even my mentor has been asking me wat happen wit my results..when i'm back home, again the letter from the KUOK foundation..hav 2 post my results to them, feel very unsecure, wat if they decided to cancel off my study award loan after realising my results had been dropping since the 1st sem? couldn't b bothered, i might go insane 1 day if there are too many things playing in my head...arghhhh

never been doin any revision since sunday...i know tat i might broke down the last minute again..tat is me..haha..hav been making the same resolution every sem after getting the result..'nvm, i promise myself i will work harder the next sem'...but without realising, hw many sems actually are left for me 2 strive? tat's 2 more left...2 more..imagine tat...oh no, after tat i will b graduating n will engage in the working world, by tat time i'm soon goin to b 24...so old d...sometimes feel like the time flies, but sometimes its like everything just happen yesterday

do i hav aim in my life? this question remain unsolved all tis while...i'm really not sure of wat i want..sometimes the pressure from the surrounding make me think twice whether to go a step further..i knew very clearly wat my parents hope n the people i knew would expect, but i'm just very lost, 1 simple problem causes me alot of question marks...but at the same time, i realise tat i've been wasting his time n mayb making him plunged in more deeply, which is a very selfish attitude of me, i won't deny it cz i knew it very clearly...i know n i can feel tat he's really trying his best n putting alot of effort to convince me...but i just can't give him a satisfying answer...i knew tat i'm not perfect n yet i still complain n expect so much from him...very terrible n horrible of me...scared i might get my punishment in the future...tat's wat a saying goes 'tip for tap' , how u treat ppl, tat's hw u will b treated in return...

hoping one day i might get a solution to all the problems tat bothering me...praying....